#49 Homosexual Cartoon Characters
Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Today, in the middle of the seventh month of My Divine Hatred Therapy, I shall vent My Righteous Rage at something that has been pestering Me for quite some time – flamingly homosexual cartoon characters!
Ever since the invention of the cartoon, Satanus has been hard at work . He has spent decades corrupting the minds of sweet, innocent Christian children with his blatantly sodomite cartoon characters. And I have had enough!
Again, as I have said before, I have no problem with homosexuals. I think it is fine and they should all get married, so long as they never ever French-kiss or engage in anal sex or any other sodomy of any kind. Is that too much to ask?
I could look the other way if these queer cartoons could just be discreet about it. After all, there are a number of fine examples of homosexual cartoon characters that are firmly in the closet, such as: Waylon Smithers, Tigra from Thundercats, Dr. Quest and Race Bannon, or every member of GIJOE and Cobra.
Why can’t they all be so decent? Most homosexual cartoon characters are only too happy to flaunt their gayness. More than that, they seem to revel in rubbing your nose in it*.
In fact, these queer cartoons just go ahead and anal and fist each other right in front of kids every Saturday morning on TV.
Why, just this weekend I skipped out on Temple and sat down to watch an episode of Spongebog Squarepants. I watched Spongebob bend Squidward over a seashell and slam his sponge-penis up octopus-anus for half an hour. Both 15-minute episodes!
Well I am a loving and merciful God, so I shall grant you all a boon. If you wish to avoid an eternity in hell, here are but a few of the homosexual cartoon characters to avoid at all costs: Spongebob “Squarepants, Winnie the Pooh, Big Gay Al, Bugs Bunny, Mickey Mouse, He-Man, Huckleberry Hound, Snagglepuss, Mr. Garrison, Popeye the Sailor Man, Captain Planet, Peppermint Patty, Vanity Smurf, Snarf from Thundercats, Fred and Velma, Batman and Robin, Timon and Pumbaa, Ren and Stimpy, Sleepy and Dopey, and the Ambiguously Gay Duo.
This ban, of course, also includes live action puppets and people in costumes such as: Barney, the Muppet named ‘Scooter,’ the Teletubby known as ‘Tiddlywink,’ Bert and Ernie, and Big Bird and Snuffleupagus.
Amongst many others too numerous to name. I expect you to be vigilant and on the lookout for other gay cartoon characters, and to protect yourself and your children from any cartoon or other fictional characters you may suspect of engaging in homosexual acts.
From now on, I declare the only cartoons children may watch to be Veggie-tales and Davy and Goliath. And that’s it! Everything else is clearly quite gay.
I, The Almighty Lord, have spoken.