Christmas Prayers
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Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
In the spirit of the Season of My Son’s Birth, which is apparently love, I grant the faithful readers of My Divine Blog the chance to send Me their Christmas prayers.
I don’t know why any of you ever waste your time asking your family and friends or Santa for gifts, when it is I, The Almighty God, who allows any gifts for anyone.
Naturally, you will be expected to follow the usual protocol I expect. All Christmas prayers must begin with ‘Dear’ and some variation of praise unto Me, His Beautiful Handsome Awesomeness, The Almighty Lord your God. You must then humbly send Me your prayer, and be sure to give proper respect throughout by capitalizing all mentions of My Wondrous Person. You must also wish Me a ‘Merry Christmas’ and verily, when your prayer is concluded, you must thank The Lord profusely and then say ‘Amen.’ If you please Me I may grant your Christmas prayer. If you disrespect Me, you or your child may open a present only to discover a dead puppy. Unless that’s what you wanted.
Note: There will be no Christmas Miracles this year. I’m too tired and none of you deserve it anyway.
