Skepfeeds-The Best Skeptical blogs of the day

God in the News: Texas

Posted in Fun, Humorous, Stuff God Hates by Skepdude on December 8, 2008


Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!

Today I would like to talk about something I saw in the news that enrages Me:

Texas Man Says God Told Him to Ram Other Driver at 100 MPH

Did you read that? Isn’t it absolutely insane? They actually arrested this man!

They should be giving him a medal. The rest of you could learn something from this guy. Like when I tell you do something, you don’t ask questions, you just fucking do it.

Michael E. Schwab was on his way to have sex with his wife when I commanded him to use his pickup truck to smite a vile woman who wasn’t driving like a Christian. Not only did he do this for Me, he sped up to 100 MPH.

He is a wonderful servant of Me, and he will get his reward. I’m not saying I’m going to post his $50,000 bail, but believe Me, he’s getting into Heaven when he dies next year.

I see that he will have to undergo a psychiatric evaluation as well. Shameful!

Now why is it that whenever one of My servants tells everyone that I, The Almighty God, told them to do something, people always just assume they’re crazy? How come they never ever consider they just might be telling the truth?

And it’s not just baby-eating atheists that do this. It’s everyone, heathens and faithful Christians alike. So I guess I just never talk to anyone or tell anyone what to do anymore, huh? FOOLS!

I already hated pigs in general, but now I have a special vendetta against the Texas police. I will crush their bones! I will eat their souls and erase them from existence! And I will unleash a wave of Mexicans upon them the likes of which they have never seen!

As for the rest of you, be prepared. My next command could come down at any moment. Pray that you are as ready as this biblical hero was.


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