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Your Friday Dose of Woo: The Worldwide Wanker of Woo

Posted in Respectful Insolence by Skepdude on April 3, 2009

Let me say right up front that I’m not entirely sure that the victim–I mean target; no, I mean subject–of this week’s little excursion into the deepest darkest depths of woo is not a parody. That’s the beauty of it. I’ve never heard of it before, but a little Googling brought me evidence that it may not be a parody, that the guy purveying it may actually believe it. I’ll leave you to judge for yourself, or, if you’ve heard of this guy before, to chime in and let me know the deal. I’ll also point out that parts of this website are not entirely safe for work. Actually, a couple of the pages are not safe for work at all. Don’t worry, I don’t plan on directly linking to any those pages, but you could hit a link while exploring the site and accidentally find yourself looking at something you really don’t want to. Trust me on this.

And what woo it is!

IntentEnergyMainGraphic.jpg

Have any of you ever heard of Happeh Theory? You haven’t? Well, you have now! Suffice it to say that Happeh Theory has an odd obsession. More about that later. First, it starts out a lot like any other run-of-the-mill woo site, only with cheesier graphics. Specifically, Happeh Theory seems to think that we all have “energy bodies” that are in essence duplicates of our own body:

Treating the energy body of a human being as an exact duplicate of the physical body can be especially helpful in discussing the movement of the energy body from it’s proper location and orientation on the physical body.The reason why knowing if the energy body has moved away from it’s proper location and orientation on the physical body is important, is that any movement of the energy body away from it’s proper orientation or location is usually associated with the development of some type of health problem, and because the exact way in which the energy body has moved, will provide insight into how the physical body of the individual moves.

And, of course, there is “intent”:

It is the nature of the energy of the human body, that the light reflected by the body usually corresponds to the energy level of that region of the body. A bright and well lit part of the body would usually be an area of the body that was filled with energy, or had a high energy level. A dark part of the face would usually be an area of the body that had a low energy level.A phrase that is used to name the low energy areas of a person’s face, is the phrase “black in the face”. Calling the low energy areas of the face “black” simplifies talking about the subject.

The usage of the phrase “black in the face”, would be by describing the amount of black an individual’s face had in it.

An individual whose face was mostly well lit, would be an individual who had very little black in the face. Since black in the face corresponds to low energy, a person who had very little black in the face would be a relatively healthy person, because their face was filled with energy.

Everyday language supports that claim. A healthy or happy person can be described as “beaming”, which is a word associated with bright lighting.

He’s convinced me! If I just shine lights all over my body, then I, too, can be filled with energy all over. I wonder. Happeh Theory seems to imply that if I were to shine light on my head, that would fill it with energy, boosting its level and (hopefully) increasing my intelligence beyond its already stratospheric level to the level of Super Genius, just like Vox Day likes to tell us he is.

So far, this is the standard sort of “energy” woo that is hard to escape on the web and, sadly, increasingly hard to escape in some of the formerly greatest academic medical centers in our nation, given how many of them have embraced “energy healing” modalities like reiki and therapeutic touch. Be that as it may, there is one aspect of this woo that distinguishes it from the usual run-of-the-mill variety. Suffice it to say that Happeh Theory has a rather strange obsession. While Robert O. Young may be obsessed with pH and “acid,” Hulda Clark with liver flukes, and autism quacks with mercury, but Happeh Theory has found a new scourge, a new horrible cause of so many of the ills that plague modern humans.

Masturbation:

According to Happeh Theory, masturbation will cause a person to become crippled and blind in one eye, as well as causing many other physical health problems. Excessive masturbation will also lead to the development of gay tendencies, as well as other alterations to the personality or mentality of a person.The most common question that is asked in response to the claim that masturbation makes the human body blind and crippled, is “How does masturbation make the human body blind and crippled?”. Or to phrase that question more accurately “What does masturbation do to the human body, that causes it to become blind and crippled?”

Masturbation causes the human body to tighten up or become tense. That tightness or tension impairs the ability of the limbs to move properly, and impairs the ability of the eyes to see properly.

That’s right. That evil scourge of masturbation can result in shortening of the yin part of the right arm, leading to horrific things, such as faces like this.

READ THE REST OF THIS ENTRY AT “RESPECTFUL INSOLENCE”

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2 Responses

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  1. Happeh said, on May 2, 2009 at 7:19 AM

    Hello Skepdood. That is quite a hit piece you have there.

    I think we both know that anyone can take material from 6 different places, mix it together, and it will look confusing. That is what you did. In one sentence you say you are confused because I claim that “homosexuality is caused by masturbation, but homosexuality is like a flat tire”.

    There are all kinds of people in the world skepdood. They all learn differently. Some of them have college education, most do not. I write to reach all kinds of people. My hope is the ones that claim to be intelligent, like yourself, will ignore the material created for less educated people, and focus on the intellectual material created for people like yourself.

    I can prove everything I say to any person with patience and an open mind. I have been working on this for years, and as a result I am more open to just telling people things, intstead of trying to make them into superior human beings while I answer their questions.

    Do you want to have an intellectual conversation about this material? Or is your intent only to ridicule?

    Sincerely
    Happeh
    Creator of Happeh Theory

    • Skepdude said, on May 2, 2009 at 9:48 AM

      As much as I would like to take credit, this entry is a partial reposting from Respectful Insolence. You should follow the red link at the bottom and make your case with Orac, dear Happoo!


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