Intelligent Pull theory
In a new and unexpected development, the tree lobsters have proved, unequivocally, the connection between Newton and Hitler. The Intelligent Pull proponents have renewed their efforts to have IP taught alongside Newtonian Physics in introductory physics courses. New legislation will require stickers to be placed inside physics books stating that gravity is “just a theory” and that pigs could actually fly, if only Intelligent Pull wasn’t squashed so mercilessly by the mainstream, elite, evil Academia. Said one IP proponents:
These latest developments feel like a breath of fresh air. We’ve been saying all along that gravity is not supported by the evidence, which best supports the Intelligent Pull theory. Furthermore, the Newtonianists have not addressed the glaring holes in their theory. Why would mass attract mass? Are we to believe that randomly, and by chance, bodies happen to be attracted to other bodies?
At least Evolution, has Mutation and Natural Selection, which kinda make sense, but inorganic things don’t mutate. Stars and planets are not engaged in a battle of the survival of the fittest. They just are. They say the attraction is the inverse of the square of the distance but that doesn’t prove gravity. That proves that The Intelligent Puller that set things in motion decided it will be so when he first created the universe, 10,000 years ago. I am happy that the tree lobsters have finally seen the light and have come over to our side. They are a powerful ally in the fight for truth and academic freedom.