Skepfeeds-The Best Skeptical blogs of the day

Ghost hunting can be a real pain in the ass…

Posted in Skepbitch by Skepdude on July 3, 2009

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Have you ever wondered when you should resume sex safely after ghost hunting? How can you exorcise a ghost that has possessed your womb? Or how can you remove a ghost from your rectum? (After you’ve finished with it, presumably.)

Look no further! Maryanna Chatelaine Moresby has treated these common problems in her article Sex after ghost hunting – exorcisms of a womb or anal ghosts: And when is the right time to have sex afterwards?

For today, let’s focus on “Anomalous Anal Ghost Phenomena”.

According to Moresby, when a person dies, their physical body ceases to exist, although a “ghost body” remains, consisting of the “mind, intellect, ego and soul”. Sometimes, these ghost bodies seek refuge in a human host, entering via a vulnerable cavity. Generally, they prefer to enter through the woman’s, um, birth canal, or the man’s rectum. Moresby says that the ass is an “open portal” for spirits. Why enter through a boring old ear or a mouth when you can invade a genital orifice?

Ghost hunting is to blame for this anal affliction:

My husband was plagued with anal ghost 4 times since he started Ghost Hunting. We went to many doctors to find out what his problem was until a psychic from Japan told him what was going on.

Your uninvited tenant may be the ghost of a loved one, an intimate stranger, or a dirty demon.  But how do you know if your buttocks are haunted? Rectal ghost symptoms include severe constipation, diarrhea and flatulence. Moresby claims:

I can certainly attest to this as it has happened to my husband on more then one occasion. And Felching out ghosts is usually a bigger fear and reality then one might think.

Next time you suffer from these demonic digestive system symptoms, you might want to reach for your Priest, rather than your Pepto-Bismol.

Colon Cleanse Products wull not help you if you have an anal or colon ghost!

Laxatives won’t work either. The most effective method for removing a troublesome rectal ghost is to perform a magical enema.

In some cultures spicy hot Enemas are said to chase a ghosts from a persons bowels in many cultures wine or beer enemas are used to get the ghost drunk so he will just fall out of the person and it then can be captured and put into a bottle or container for safe keeping. My husband keeps his in a pickle jar in the garage and has gotten several intriguing EVP’s from it.

This is one tale that TAPS won’t touch. For more challenging guests, try a “blessed lubricant”.

A quicker form of the dry enema ghost removal utilizes the injection of a small amount of water-based lubricant such as K-Y that is blessed and administered directly into the rectum via a non-hypodermic syringe, such as an oral syringe, or from some other source. My husband usually does this for 5 days after any ghost encounter he has as a precaution. The usual amount of blessed lubricant applied is about 2 tsp (10 cc), which will produce a movement in 30 minutes or less. The movement will be produced in a compact body, rather than in the more copious liquid form produced by a wet enema; and since no water is used, none will be retained higher up in the colon, to be expelled at a later, and possibly inconvenient, time.

Is it just me, or is this one kinky couple?

Moresby shares with us the touching story of her husband Riley’s rectal misadventures:

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Extremists Exploit Disaster

Posted in Skepbitch by Skepdude on February 10, 2009

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Wrath of God or fucking arsonists?

I was working with Richard Saunders on layout of the next issue of The Skeptic magazine when Richard gasped so loudly that I was sure he’d found out that I once slept with John Edward.

Then I found out what really happened, and it was much, much worse…

wwwabccomauHeard about the current bushfires in Australia?

A group of Christian Fundamentalists, aptly named Catch the Fire Ministries, posted a media release on their site, wherein they irrationally blame a new pro-choice abortion law for the bushfires..

Not arsonists, not summer, not extremely high temperatures, but a law that allows abortion in the state of Victoria, where the fires are occurring…

Tragically, almost one thousand houses have burned to the ground, hundreds of people have died…and these assholes think that abortion is to blame, that the fires are God’s punishment, and that prayer is the answer…

This reminded me of those who blamed Hurricane Katrina on the licentiousness and debauchery of New Orleans.

I promptly issued the following press release to a range of sites:

Christians Exploit Catastrophe

Australia has been in shock since the Victorian bushfires in early February, resulting in the destruction of almost one thousand homes and the deaths of hundreds of people.

While some offer practical relief in the form of food and clothing donations, others look for someone to blame.

Catch the Fire Ministries (CTFM) in Dandenong, Victoria, published a media release today, blaming a new Australian law for the devastating bushfires, and further claim that the fires were foretold in a spiritual vision.

The CTFM leader, Pastor Danny Nalliah, announced that he had predicted the bushfires in a dream he had in October 2008. In this dream, he had a prophesy that the fires would occur, as divine retribution for an abortion decriminalization bill that passed in Victoria in 2008. Nalliah calls Victoria the “baby killing state of Australia.”

The Ministry’s response is to petition God for forgiveness, and to commence a seven day prayer and fasting campaign. “In our prayer and fasting campaign, we are particularly repenting for the passing of the “Decriminalization of Abortion Laws of Victoria” in addition to other unrighteous, ungodly, and unjust laws and practices which have seen a holocaust of some of the most helpless members of the human race, the unborn.”

“Can we stop the fires? Yes we can! But it will take God’s children to rally together and repent and cry unto Him as in 2 Chronicles 7:14 (The Holy Bible). We at CTFM have seen this happen several times in the past in Australia, which was also covered by many mainstream media outlets.”

The CTFM website calls upon the “Australian Bible-believing God-fearing Christians to repent and call upon the Lord Jesus Christ for His mercy and protection over Australia once again.”

Visitors to the CTFM website can comment on the media release. However, skeptical replies are immediately deleted.

Representatives of the Australian Skeptics condemn the Catch the Fire Ministry for their uncritical, discriminatory beliefs and exploitation of the tragic events to promote their ministry.

Richard and I spent the afternoon submitting comments to their site, which were promptly censored.

So we started spreading the news…

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The beast with one back

Posted in Skepbitch by Skepdude on October 24, 2008

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Ghosts have needs too…

Folklorically, a ghost is a manifestation of a deceased person. Ghosts are somehow caught in limbo between the physical world and whatever afterlife in which the believer believes. (Contrast this with a spirit that has achieved the afterlife, but has no physical form.)

There seem to be two main kinds of ghosts, those that follow a routine or pattern conducted during their lifetime, such as repeating a traumatic event. The other kind of ghost has limited interactive abilities, they can materialize if they require the intercession of the living to right a wrong, or lay their bones to rest so they too can access the afterlife.

Or maybe they just appear with their hollow eyes and transparent glow to scare your tits off.

Some of you might recall fictional ghosts that endeavor to interact with the living via a medium, like Patrick Swayze’s insipid character in Ghost. Others ghosts can interact directly with people, such as the sailor in The Ghost and Mrs Muir. Since I’m lately on a roll of unrequited (and unrequitable) love, this movie and tv series focused on the barely restrained sexual tension between a sexy widow and a ghostly, rugged, salty seaman.

But can ghosts do things that the living can do? Do ghosts, like poltergeists, have tactile abilties? Can they touch us, harm us, and even engage in intercourse with us?

My mate Mark Dallas of Toronto sent me a link to an article about actress Jessica Alba who was once reputedly “attacked by a ghost”. Mark further says, “I mention it because I was watching that highly informative and intellectual program Entertainment Weekly, which mentioned another actress (whose name escapes me) who has recently (allegedly) been scratched all over by the ghost of the son of a brothel-keeper.”

Mark’s quote reminds me of a Wuthering Heights quote: “He’s exactly like the son of the fortune-teller that stole my tame pheasant.”

Right…moving on…

According to the article, Alba claims vaguely that on a single occasion she felt “something”, a “presence”, take the covers from her bed before she then felt a “pressure” placed on her body. The crappy tabloid translates this to the explicit: ”Jessica Alba has claimed that she was attacked in bed by a ghost when she was a teenager.” Whatever the cause, the event scared the shit out of her, she ran to the safety of her parent’s room, and implied that she soon left the house, while her parents tried to treat the perceived problem really rationally, “They got it blessed and they burned sage and stuff since then.”

These are non-specific symptoms of a haunting, but what could have caused this incident, and these sensations?

Clearly, this event occurred at least a decade ago, and even the experiencer can’t be a reliable informant for such a dated incident. Especially given the variables of the incident…it was presumably night time, presumably dark, she was presumably nearing sleep, or actually asleep at the time. We are relying on anecdotal evidence, which is kind of like joining a line without knowing what it’s for.

Without being there at the time, or being able to replicate that exact occurrence, we should first consider natural explanations.

A few plausible explanations include parasomnia (nightmare, sleep paralysis or night terror) or even sleep apnea. This is very real stuff.

All of these conditions could engender feelings of pressure, immobility, suffocation, and panic.

Recently, one Doctor Atlantis told me that as a lad he was once awoken similarly by a “pressure” on his bed. His parents answered his screams and the culprit turned out to be a dodgy light fitting that fell from the ceiling, nearly sliced him up a treat. (Until he has children we can’t be sure that he escaped unscathed).

I once watched a particularly disturbing episode of the Montel Williams Show, disturbing not only because Sylvia Browne was a guest, but also because the moll claimed that a teenage boy in the audience was ‘being visited by the ghosts of victims of the American Civil War’. These ghostly soldiers supposedly attacked him as they recreated their battles. What was the evidence for this claim? The kid was covered in tiny cuts. Could he have been into self-mutilation? For some kids, a cockandbull story about ghosts would be less embarrassing than the truth. (

It’s also a possibility that some similar cases of ‘abusive ghosts’ mask abuse by people.

This reminds me of a claim by Anna Nicole Smith (god rest her soul) that she often enjoyed sex with a well-equipped and lusty ghost.

However, now Smith has crossed over, there are claims that she is now a ghost. Perhaps you’ll get lucky guys (and girls, from what I’ve heard…)

(Also, see Sex with a ghost can be quite spirited for a cute overview of this topic, including some patently ridiculous nonsense from paranormal researcher Joshua Warren.)

Then there are the slutty demonic, gobliny and ghostly incubi and succubi, and satan with his ‘ice cold member’.

What do we believe?

The principle of Occam’s Razor teaches us that the more simple explanation is often the correct explanation. The natural, mundane, common answer is the more likely explanation for violent ghosts and ghostly lovers.

Were you attacked by a ghost, or simply having a fucking awful nightmare? Did you have sex with a ghost, or simply have sex with your partner? (…or was it a bloody wet dream you pervert?).

At any rate, I think these raunchy ghosts warrant a deeper investigation…so, to all you ghosts out there reading this…I’m, err… headed off to bed right now if you, um… want to, well, join me…for science…

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The things we do for love (and skepticism)

Posted in Skepbitch by Skepdude on September 30, 2008

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On a recent visit, my brother Kalvin asked me, “What did we eat when we were growing up?”

I stared at him in disbelief. “You must have repressed memory syndrome,” I teased. “How could you forget the tofu? The wheatgerm? The lecithin?”

Five years older than me, he admitted coolly, “I probably drove out for a hamburger afterwards.”

Long before it was cool in California to add soymilk to your latte… before hummus was fashionable… when most families would come home to ”meat and three veg”, I’d be coming home to a wholewheat vegetarian lasagne with spinach, ricotta and brown rice.

I was the gastronomic outcast in school; the wretched, miserable kid with the Nutmeat and tahini wholewheat sandwich. I was the kid with the carob ‘chocolate’ easter eggs…

It all began when my mother developed a series of nasty non-specific symptoms. She had heart palpitations. She lost weight. Her hair fell out. She was up cleaning the bathroom at 2am.  It was like she was on speed. She was suffering from a thyroid condition. She was sick, scared, vulnerable, and the symptoms never completely disappeared…

Thus began her life-long alternative medicine quest…

She has visited naturopaths, homeopaths, trichologists, herbal medicine ’specialists’, reflexologists, diet gurus, reiki masters, acupunturists, bowen therapists, chiropractors, osteopaths, iridologists, and other peculiar practitioners that don’t even have names…

Yeah. That’s my Mom.

She takes garlic and horseradish tablets, spirulina, echinacea, Vitamin C, Vitamin B complex, multi-vitamins, “Pluton” homeopathic pills and a long list of unidentifiable, unnecessary tablets that make for expensive urine. You’d think she has heart disease or cancer…when she sits down to a meal, out comes a plastic tray of pills. As my step-father says, “She eats more pills than food.” She’s dabbled in most fad diets, but worst of all, she used to make her own collodial silver…

She’s been visiting with me for the past few weeks, so let me tell you about my most recent tiff with her…and you’ve heard these arguments before…

Years ago she saw a chiropractor who ‘massaged her chest’ (yep…I’m a Dr., let me massage your goddamn bollocks). He caused extensive bruising and she suffered breathing difficulties for weeks. Fortunately, an x-ray revealed no internal damage.

I confronted her about this touchy topic…

“So, you’re still seeing that nutjob chiropractor, Mom?” In her ashamed admission of betrayal, like a cheating spouse or a naughty boy found with porn under the bed, she nodded, and looked away, ”I didn’t want to tell you that I’m still seeing him.”

“I’d just assumed you still were,” I replied honestly.

“Well, I just see him for my general well-being, for colds, headaches. It helps with everything really.”

“But there’s no evidence that this works. In fact, there’s a substantial amount of evidence to the contrary!”

Then she became defensive with urgent appeals. I was attacking her intelligence, and her sincere hope that it works. “They don’t have the funding that big pharmaceutical companies have! There’s a lot we don’t understand, Karen. There’s got to be something to it. So many people use it! It helps relieve my shoulder pain. I have to try everything.”

“But you’re also seeing a doctor, a physiotherapist, and a masseuse. You use creams. With all that you wouldn’t know what’s actually working. In the end it doesn’t work because the pain’s still there!”

“He does it to his two toddlers too. He wouldn’t do it to them if he thought he could injure them. He treated his daughter when she was one day old.” Now this really pissed me off…

“Mom, you could’ve had your ribs cracked or your lungs punctured by that fucking ignorant prick!”

…silence…

Now I’d done it! I’d upset my tiny, gentle, sensitive, ever-smiling yet now teary-eyed mom. What a skepbitch I am.

I calmed down, put my arm around her, and said earnestly, “I need to make you aware of the risks. I don’t want you to be hurt. Because I love you.”

And now she’s gone home. And here I sit with reminders of her… a box of Zen Therapeutics Ki Immune Defence & Vitality Formula, a jar of Ascorbate C with lemon bioflavonoids, rosehips, and hesperidin, and a vial of homeopathic pills.

Because she loves me…

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Too skeptical yet not skeptical enough

Posted in Skepbitch, Skepticism by Skepdude on July 22, 2008

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Last week I chatted with a stranger and the topic turned to skepticism, “I don’t like that skeptic guy on TV. He’s a snob. All he says is ‘No. I disagree. You’re wrong. It isn’t true. I don’t believe in that’.”

Sound bites, editing with an agenda, and yes/no questions can portray a skeptic as a naysayer.

However, we don’t want to be gratuitous skeptics either.

That doesn’t help our objectives, or our profile.

It seems that skeptics can be too skeptical, or not skeptical enough.

How can we find a happy (non-paranormal) medium of skepticism?

Not that I claim to be the perfect skeptic. I don’t think there is such a thing. I can’t cast the first stone of skepticism, I’m still learning all the time, but I know when a skeptic has descended into leniency, or dickheadism…

And there will always be someone who’ll label you as a dogmatist or a cynic. Meanwhile, someone else will accuse you of being irresolute and wishy-washy – for saying the same bloody thing…

Since we’re talking cliches and catchphrases, here’s a skeptical motto or mantra to remind us that we’re aiming for logic, rationale and reason, rather than high-functioning autism.

Effective skepticism is about educating others, and educating ourselves.

When we educate others we teach critical thinking, dispel myths and explain how the world works.

This is NOT Proselytizing. This is NOT preaching. This is NOT converting. This is NOT dogma.

It’s simplistic to frame skepticism as a kind of religion; or atheism as another form of theism.

A gathering of atheists is not a church congregation. James Randi and Richard Dawkins aren’t messiahs. The similarities might make it easier for us to understand one thing in terms of another, but the differences make the meaning.

Educating ourselves is about research, knowledge, reassessment, re-evaluation and keeping an open mind. This is our skeptical maintenance, to be skeptical of ourselves. But this also requires an understanding of the beliefs and practices that exist. This is not a rote, aggressive, obnoxious dismissal and premature ejaculation rejection of, say, the opinions of Christians or psychics.

Now you know why no one will have sex with you but yourself…

It’s kinda obvious to me that a skeptic should be an amateur anthropologist, and an amateur psychologist.

Unless they just want to be a fucking snob.

Sometimes, skeptics make the very worst skeptics…

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