If Christianity was explained to a child honestly, as it is taught in the Bible, this is what it would sound like.
But maybe the Dr. can show me the right way to think about this. No I don’t mind the stammering, uncomfortable twitching or the stupidity, please go on. Aha, hmmm, I see, uh uh, oh I have a question: did your mum drop you on the front of your head as a child or the back?
Because, this of course, is anything other than an utter mass delusion:
Two pastors in the Kingdom Seekers Fellowship International church were killed in a road accident on Monday last week and the faithful believed that God would resurrect them if they prayed hard enough.
Their death in a car that rolled on the Nairobi-Nakuru highway, the faithful believed, was the work of the devil and the miracle was to shame the evil one.
“Our pastors have been perishing in road accidents and it is time for us to shame the devil, who is behind the tragedies,” Pastor John Kamau William, the church’s general overseer, announced to the congregation outside their church in Nakuru
There will be some shame being dealt, that’s for sure, but I don’t think this will be going the way these poor deluded folks are hoping it will; not that that will shake their faith anyway. That’s what rationalizations are for.
At one point, Pastor Ndetei’s widow, went to the tent where the coffin was placed and shook it as she hysterically pleaded with God to raise her husband.
Another worshipper pushed the coffins in an attempt to stir the dead pastors to wake up from their “deep sleep.” Nothing happened.
By this time, one could sense doubts creeping into the minds of some of the faithful. To banish any such thoughts, Apostle Steven Bulungi from Uganda chased away the doubting Thomases.
He kept on telling the congregation that they were not being “fanatical or emotional” enough. ‘‘You are practising the word of God,” he exhorted them.
Nevertheless, the worshippers eventually lost hope. One of the pastors announced: “Some miracles do not happen instantly, as was the case when Jesus cursed the fig tree.”
I rest my case.
Unfortunately, the warning came a bit wee too late to do her any good, not that she minds that apparently.
The wife of gospel singer Louis Brittz, who was raped by a robber on Monday night, has told how the Lord had warned her that she was to be raped.
However, as it will become apparent, god’s “warning” was more of a you’re-screwed kinda statement rather than a proper warning, which name carries with it the implication that the victim-to-be has a chance to do something about it. The victim in this case never got a chance!
Later the robbers took him away. One stayed with Hettie where she lay with her hands tied, half under the bed.
She said while she was lying like this, she heard the Lord tell her: “Hettie, you are my bride”.
She answered: “Yes, Jesus, I know.”
She said the Lord then told her that the man would rape her but not hurt her. The rapist was also not violent.
Well, not violent except for the forcefully having his way with her that is! Now can someone explain the creepy “you are my bride” comment from god? I thought she was married already! I’m confused, but then so are many christians.
She said this didn’t mean the rape was unimportant. It was also not unimportant to the Lord. He said after all that he collected people’s tears and that the blood of believers was precious to him.
I am sorry but I’d much rather he made sure such tears and blood were never shed instead of collecting them. What’s that mean? Does he have little jars in shelves in some heavenly warehouse?
She said she knew people would say she was living in denial. She herself was a therapist, however, and knew what trauma involved.
And people would be right to say that. Any therapist worth her salt would probably say that a person undergoing a trauma probably shouldn’t be self treating her trauma, not anymore than a surgeon should be performing his own appendectomy at home, because, you know, he’s a surgeon; he knows what an appendectomy involves.
Says Father Tim Jones, a clergyman at St. Lawrence Church in York, England, so long as you don’t take more than you need and only steal from the big chains, that is. I gotta say I find this amusing, what with the whole “thou shall not steal” deal and whatnot! But the thing is that besides food, water and clothing, not much else is “needed” and usually most places, especially big european countries like England have shelters and charities of all sorts. So why a priest would recommend stealing before going to the charities, or begging beats me, but that’s what he’s sticking with.
“My advice as a Christian priest is to shoplift,” Jones reportedly told churchgoers during his Sunday sermon. “I do not offer such advice because I think that stealing is a good thing, or because I think it is harmless, for it is neither.”
“I would ask that they do not steal from small family businesses, but from large national businesses — knowing that the costs are ultimately passed on to the rest of us in the form of higher prices,” he continued.
“I would ask them not to take any more than they need, for any longer than they need … My advice does not contradict the Bible’s eighth commandment because God’s love for the poor and despised outweighs the property rights of the rich.”
Yeah, why not? Sure he gave us 10 commandments he wants us to follow, but what the hell, apparently they’re not as rigid as we thought, dare I say, they’re not written in stone?
The question is simple. It has been asked many a times. It has never been answered, not even attempted to be answered honestly. This time it is no different!
I have been getting a bit of flack on the comments of my entry in which I disagreed with Brian Dunning about using the label stupid. Now, I think no one can argue with me that this idiot is not stupid. Just go look at his other videos. Case closed, this guy is a mental case! The only question I am interested in is this: Did he get stupid because he got religious or did he become religious because he was stupid? Or is there no correlation at all? I don’t know, you make up your own mind.
UPDATE: I’m being told this is satire. I don’t know. I have seen and heard fundamentalist christians talk like this before, plus there is no indication that he is not serious (unlike with say Ed Current!). Maybe it is satire, in which case this guy is brilliant. Either way, enjoy!
A recent article on the NYTimes reports that the City Council voted to add two Muslim holidays to the public school’s holiday schedule. Mayor Bloomberg has a problem with this:
Spurred by a broad coalition of religious, labor and immigrant groups, the City Council overwhelmingly passed a resolution on Tuesday to add two of the most important Muslim holy days to the public schools’ holiday calendar.
But the vote, which was nonbinding, put the Council in conflict with Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg, who has the final say to designate the days off and has said he is resolutely opposed to the idea.
The mayor told reporters before the vote that not all religions could be accommodated on the holiday schedule, only those with “a very large number of kids who practice.”
“If you close the schools for every single holiday, there won’t be any school,” he said. “Educating our kids requires time in the classroom, and that’s the most important thing to us.”
I agree with this, however, Mayor Bloomberg seems to reach the wrong conclusion. It is true that you cannot accomodate every religion, therefore you should accomodate none! First of all, kids don’t practice any religion. It is their parents that do so, so this issue is not about the kids who practice and how numerous they are. Second, since when is an argument from popularity acceptable when issues of civil rights and equal treatment are on the plate? Such argument only makes sense to the people on the majority. Furthermore, if the City Council felt pressured to pass this resolution it appears to me that the Muslim population must be quite numerous.
The current school calendar recognizes major Christian and Jewish holy days like Christmas and Yom Kippur, but no Muslim holy days.
Can you say discrimination? I don’t know about you, but I live in NYC and I can tell you that there are many, many practicing Muslims living here. If the state is going to honor Christian and Jewish holidays then they cannot discriminate against Muslim ones, based on some cowardly argument from popularity. In fact they should not be discriminating against any religious belief regardless of how numerous or not it’s followers are. The First Amendment to the US Constitution says:
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion
Picking and choosing which religion deserves to be recognized in the public schools’ holiday calendar is in fact doing the opposite, by firmly endorsing and supporting the Christian and Jewish faith over the Muslim faith. As such the only solution that is in line with the US Constitution and which is equally fair to every US Citizen and resident is not to endorse any religious holidays and exclude all religious holidays from the calendar. If the holiday is so important to the parents of the children they can keep the kids home.
The state’s job is not to decide which religion should be favored over which other religion. It’s job is to be equally indifferent to all religions. Mayor Bloomberg would do well to remember that.