Skepfeeds-The Best Skeptical blogs of the day

#47 Rich People

Posted in Humorous, Stuff God Hates by Skepdude on October 6, 2008

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE ORIGINAL ENTRY AT “STUFF GOD HATES”

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!

I am the Lord your God. If you be a rich man or woman, I hate your stupid guts and I will punish you for the wealth I have given you. I am the Lord your God.

In My first book I made it quite clear that I hate rich people and all that they represent. Their hearts are greedy – their minds are arrogant – their souls are filthy. Two thousand years ago I said that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to get into the Kingdom of Me.

These days it is even more impossible for a rich man to get into Heaven. Adjusted for inflation, now it is easier for a fat lesbian camel high on meth to make it through a complicated Japanese obstacle course than it is for a rich man to get into the Kingdom of Me.

I am the Lord your God. I hate rich people no matter what. No matter how they have earned their wealth – I hate them! I don’t care if they made their money as a professional hitman for Pat Robertson himself – I hate them! They have forgotten Me; they give all the glory of their success to themselves – I hate them! They will burn in hell. I am the Lord your God.

And if a man becomes rich without My help, then he is guilty of using evil means to gain his fortune and I hate him. This is obvious. It goes without saying that a rich, evil bastard such as Kevin James will burn in hell for all eternity when he dies.

But I hear you think; what about all the great leaders from the Bible I blessed with wealth? Is there not a single rich person I love? NO!

King David? Abraham? Job? I used each one of those rich bastards to My advantage; nothing more, nothing less. And I punished each one of them with herpes and genital warts! Look it up. They all suffered mightily by My Hand.

The rich covet gold above all else, but they will get what they deserve. Be it a sudden gang raping by a roving pack of wild dogs, or a punch in the genitals, or just simple bankruptcy and public humiliation; fear not, for I promise you they shall get what they deserve.

If you are reading this and you are a rich person, you must give all your money to Me and cast yourself down into the dregs of the middle class.

I repeat: I command all you rich assholes out there to give Me all your wealth and worldly possessions or else I shall be forced to reach down into your stomach and rip out your intestines through your throat. Well, perhaps not literally – perhaps I will just have you lose your cushy Wall Street job and transform you into some lame Honda salesman in Lodi, NJ – but at any rate this is what your punishment will feel like to you when it comes.

I am the Lord your God. I tell you there is not a single rich human* on the planet that I do not detest. They are all total a-holes. I am the Lord your God.

* I hate rich humans, but have no problem with rich animals (such as ducks). However, cats filthy rich from crazy-cat-lady inheritance money must be shot on sight. I am the Lord your God.

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE ORIGINAL ENTRY AT “STUFF GOD HATES”

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