Skepfeeds-The Best Skeptical blogs of the day

#50 Rock and Roll

Posted in Humorous, Stuff God Hates by Skepdude on October 20, 2008

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE ORIGINAL ENTRY AT “STUFF GOD HATES”

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!

Rock and Roll music is evil and must be destroyed! It comes from the Devil and is perpetrated upon mankind by his minions. It corrupts the youth and I, The Almighty Lord, hate it with all of My Might.

Rock and roll music leads to drug and alcohol abuse, fornication, fights, riots, murder, masturbation, rape and suicide – all in that order. Its gyrometric rhythms create a longing for that which is forbidden, such as anal sex and dancing.

It causes disorganized behavior and dirtiness. It makes people not shower and want to roll around in the mud. It is enjoyed by filthy, abortion-loving, draft-dodging* hippies.

Rock and roll was invented by Satanus in 1948, shortly after his attempt to take over the world with his Kraut-Jap-Wop atheist army failed miserably. He gave up trying to defeat the Armies of Me and chose instead to focus all his attention on warping human minds through entertainment. He has been far more successful in this arena.

Since its inception, rock and roll has encouraged humans to engage in all manner of evil behavior. It awakens the gloomy slut inside every woman. It awakens the angry loner inside every man. Also, it sounds shitty.

It’s repetitive, and the lyrics suck gigantic monkey balls. It’s almost as if rock songs are written by complete imbeciles attempting to sound poetic for the sake of fame.

In My Divine Opinion, humans should listen only to hymnals glorifying Me, and marching anthems which make them good at organized war.

Compare the lyrics of that most magnificent of songs, The Battle Hymn of the Republic:

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord:
He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored;
He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword:
His truth is marching on.

Now compare the glory of those verses with the abject idiocy of these rock and roll lyrics from Stairway to Heaven:

And it’s whispered that soon if we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter.

See what I mean? You see how putrid those lyrics are? Is it any wonder rock music causes children to kill themselves?

DAMN YOU ROCK MUSIC! DAMN YOU TO HELL!

* I had plans to create so many new splendid dead soldiers out of those damned-dirty-hippies.

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE ORIGINAL ENTRY AT “STUFF GOD HATES”

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